Syn's RP Sample [Revised] (Approved)

Mayako sat up in her bad, after a good nights sleep. With a yawn and a stretch, she slowly moved her body down from the bed, and her feet touched the cold floor. She squealed, and puleld them back up into the warm bed. She sighed, and put her feet down again, finding her slippers this time. With a small smile, she stood up, shakily, and looked over at the clock, eyes still half-shut.

6:23 am

Mayako blinked and rubbed her eyes. She was up early, wasn't she? She slowly shuffled over towards the door of her room, before realising that her curtains were closed. She went over to them, and thrust them open. It was still early, that was for sure. She couldn't see a thing. She turned around, and managed to make her way down the stairs. It appeared that her flatmate was still asleep. Not surprising, for a hothead, he was pretty lazy.

She yawned, and stopped in her kitchen. The books had been hitting back just as hard as she'd been hitting them lately. That was never a good thing. It meant that she was going to be hell at school today, so she was going to need to freshen up first. She made her way to the bathroom, and did what she had to in there. By the time she was finished, she heard the loud thumping that could only signify one thing. Rain had fallen out of his bed again.

She sighed, and walked out of the bathroom, hearing the shouts of her room-mate as he hobbled down the stairs in pain. Turning to face the man, she simply stared at him, smiling.

"Kasai, please refrain from shouting this early in the morning." She giggled. "It's detracting from the silence. I'm going to leave now..." She turned and walked away gracefully. "I'll see you at school. Make sure that you don't... destroy the apartment before you leave. The last time cost us way too much to repair..." She sighed again, opened the door and left the building, leaving the bandaged man behind her with a sigh and a confused look on his face.

[Yeah umm I tried making it short and sweet since my last one was long as face, so hope you lie it.]

I don't know about others, but I really don't care for this much. It's of low quality in my opinion.

I can do another if you like. I just got lazy on this. So expect me to edit... I'll PM you once I do so. Is that alright with you?

Edited

HEADDESK TIMES.... SOMETHING

3000 words.

3000 WORDS!

I ain't reading this and I am not subjecting any of the staff to this either. Shorten this thing up. It says right in the rules that samples are not to be over 1000 words. Drowning us in words does not mean you will get a higher tier. Shorter quality writing is what is necessary.

So once again I need to see an edit. And I especially need to see an edit because just from a few words that I saw while getting to the bottom of this page I doubt this is about the life of a regular human doing regular human things. Just a suspicion but that would be against the rules as well.

I recommend looking at the Roleplay Sample rules and maybe a few of the other samples before you edit this thing. Perhaps PM it to someone to see if you can get some critiques before submitting it.

Edited.

Edited. I'm going for short and sweet here.

(Bump)

Alright after a decent amount of deliberation I have finally made my decision.

Tier 3

This is taking into account the quality shown in previous samples and in this one. While this sample is coherent and I understand what is happening, it suffers from one main problem.

Nothing really happens.

Now it can be argued that it is mundane and that is the reason why, but this goes a little beyond that. I feel almost no emotion in this piece. The character is just a cardboard cut-out of a person and I just can't get anything out of it. Its at a level where I am having trouble even critiquing it properly so I apologize if this doesn't seem to be making sense. I know you tried to make it short and sweet but with what you are doing, this length just does not give any time for much to happen.

However the sentences and grammar are okay if a little simple so I can't fault the writing ability too much.

So here is what will happen. We start you off at tier 3 and see how it goes from there. If you do well with your character we can bump him up to Tier 2 in a month, perhaps less depending on the ruling of the site. I can see that when you want to you can actually write decently, I just get the feeling laziness has hurt some of the previous examples of your roleplaying in the past. Perhaps working with a character you identify with will help boost you up more.

Sounds just about right. xD Thank you. May I keep the Bankai on my character, so when I buy it, It'll already be in my app?

Can't remember if I said this in the cbox or not but just to reiterate, you can indeed keep a bankai in reserve on you application.