Bleach: Maelstrom
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Bleach: Maelstrom

An Alternate Universe Bleach RP. Chaos has finally been unleashed upon the world as the races, ancient and new, all vie for supremacy.
 
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Dante Follia  Icon_minitime7/26/2011, 3:37 am by Dante

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 Dante Follia

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Dante




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Join date : 2011-07-26

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PostSubject: Dante Follia    Dante Follia  Icon_minitime7/26/2011, 3:38 am

Name: Follia, Dante

Age: 346

Visual Age: 23

Years Since Banishment:
145

Gender: Male

Former Division: Fifth Division

Former Shinigami Rank:
Taicho (Captain)

Rank: Former High Elite, Currently Rogue Vizard.

Appearance: The first thing many notice is his face. The three scars under his left eye to be exact. Though no one really knows how he received them, they have always been a unique factor. Then the hair. Short, messy, and brown. Though often he styles it to avoid looking scrubby. Then his body. Dante is moderately built. Not like a body builder, but an athlete. He's toned enough to appear attractive and strong but that's all.

Next, his garb. He's usually seen in Shinigami clothing. Black bottom, top, ect with the inside of each being a dark purple. Though he does have a few accessories. The first, is his shoulder guard. Hanging from it, a white and green cape. His boots are also pretty unique. They are yellow and purple, not like most Shinigami. Mind you, his entire appearance changes while his Inner Hollow is in control. Also, his clothing can change at anytime, the same for the rest of his appearance as well since Dante lives on Earth, which requires a Gigai.

Dante:

Personality: Dante is, and always has been a dark person to be around. He can have severe mood swings which range from mental break downs to randomly cussing people out. Though these are all brought out willingly. Dante is usually a sane, quite person to be around. Often times keeping to himself. However, someone would be hard pressed to miss him since he has such a dark aura about him.

Though he doesn't lead anything currently, his leadership style is that of a dictator. He orders the ones he leads. Seeing no reason to waste his time with respect towards his underlings, he treats the majority of them like trash. Though again, this is only because he has such a dark, carefree personality.


Inner Hollow Personality:
Calculating. Constantly. Dante's Inner Hollow is constantly thinking. Caused by years of being intertwined Dante and his Inner Hollow exist within Dante's mind at the same time. Most people would call this their 'inner voice.' Dante is in constant contact with his Hollow. Initially it was unstable, powerful, vengeful, and the like. Though after realizing that two minds are better than one, the two both decided upon sharing the body allowing for greater power.

Inner Hollow Appearance:
Inner Hollow:

Fighting Style: (How does your character fight? Focus on speed, power, ranged attacks, traps? I want you to elaborate on it though, don't just write speed and think you are done. I want at least a short paragraph.)

Background:
Human Life:

Shinigami Arc:

Vizard Arc:

(Most of my characters apps run about 75-100 paragraphs, though I'm keeping this one pretty short. If this is an issue, tell me and I will expand it.)
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Zafaron Uriuc
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PostSubject: Re: Dante Follia    Dante Follia  Icon_minitime7/30/2011, 4:31 pm

First a question, you are aware that this site is technically dead right? And that it isn't a for sure thing that a new site will be made? Just want to make sure you don't think that you will instantly be able to use this character. You will have to wait until September at earliest.

Visual age needs to change. By the site formula he should be in his mid 30s. (will have to make a chart detailing this whenever/if a new site is made.

Major problem with the rank. You can't be a rogue vizard who was formally a High Elite. Rogue Vizards are those that never joined the Vizard Organization in the first place. Once you join you can't become a rogue after that. It would make you a traitor to the organization and the Vizard Maker kills all who try to escape the organization. The only former Elites who have been able to escape are those that joined the Maverick Organization so you will have to apply for a Maverick and edit your backstory to include that fact if you want him not part of the current organization or just make it that he never joined the organization and has been a rogue Vizard this whole time.


"Mind you, his entire appearance changes while his Inner Hollow is in control. Also, his clothing can change at anytime, the same for the rest of his appearance as well since Dante lives on Earth, which requires a Gigai."

Nobody on the site is allowed to have their inner hollow take over their body enough to alter it. Can they let it be in charge mentally for a period of time? Yes. Can it take over all of their power and make them into monster form? Absolutely not.
Also Gigais have a set appearance since they are actual constructs. You can't just change the appearance or clothing at whim. You can change the clothes by changing clothes like a regular person but you cannot alter the appearance unless you are actually altering the construct itself which would require knowledge of gigais and the necessary tech. And any radical changes would most likely require a whole new gigai to be made.

Severe mood swings implies that his mood drastically changes. Such as extreme anger to extreme happiness. Extreme anger to mental break down isn't that extreme of a swing. And I hope you don't literally mean he has a dark aura around him.

I'm not 100% sure on the history but I think your events and times don't match up. But since
A. Human history really doesn't matter that much considering that souls keep very little memory from when they were alive and thus it doesn't effect much
B. I don't feel like looking up the history of the Medici family and religious wars in florence during the 1700s.
I won't comment on it.

However your shinigami and vizard history is ridiculous. You put this much time and word count into the part of the history that matters the least and then almost nothing when it comes to being a shinigami??? Think of it this way, he was in the Seiretei for 200 years and you give him 2 paragraphs. He has been in exile for 145 years and you give him a paragraph. He lives for 20 something years on Earth and you give him 28 paragraphs! That is a problem. While I don't want a ton of paragraphs, the Vizard and Shinigami "arcs" need to be expanded on. At least add two paragraphs to each.

And this an Alternate Universe Site so Aizen doesn't exist in it whatsoever. And I don't like the whole "I got more power than any shinigami". It screams Mary Sue.

And then the final issue is the already brought up problem of trying to just leave the Vizard Organization. You have to decide whether you want to be a rogue the whole time, joined the Mavericks two years ago, or just stayed with the Vizard Organization.
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