♪ RP Sample ♪ (Approved)

Code:

Steady and cautious strides across the rutted foundation of the damaged area, wasn’t as pleasant and daring as he had anticipated. It was more wearisome and compelled him to remain vigilant. He wasn’t aware of what was buried beneath all the rubble and wrecked domiciles, he wasn’t eager to be acquainted with the mystery and no doubt, corpses, either. How this particular area could be smoldered into ruins effectively, by a mystifying being yet to be found was beyond his comprehension. Perhaps, the demolition of the area set into motion sometime at night-time, when the inhabitant's fortification was at its lowest. It’d make sense, but what did not, was the fact that the demolition of district 99 had not been prevented, not even by a small measure.

As a result of the souls being off the cuff and ill-equipped for the battering- obliteration of their home, he found himself here, strutting through a ruin-crammed trail. His intention for being here was simple: assist with the reconstructing of the area and find out more information about the person responsible. Perhaps a Hollow, doubtful. The patrolling soul reapers would have most-certainly gotten rid of them, and effectively. An Arrancar would be more suit, to fill in the position of the one responsible for all this damage. Those gosh-darn idiots. The handsome-looking purple-shaded long-haired captain came into view, or at the least, made his presence in the area known. Before he had arrived, and with the supplies that accompanied him to the site of construction. He would provide food and simply lay back and watch, prepared for any danger.

Code:

Observant and attentive of his surrounding, he simply kept a steady gaze upon the lot of beings at labour, toiling in harmony and assembling structures to replace the ruined. It was admirable and surprising at first. But then the Captain became accustomed to the effort put forth by the souls. Now, he needed not worry about scoundrels running around and causing mayhem. He just needed to monitor and ensure progress was being made upon the area; and the inhabitants of the district were out of harm’s way and had the potency to carry on the construction work. Working on a hungry stomach was a bad idea, which was the reason he’d brought along with him provisions; which were already almost over and done with.

It would seem the cuisine he’d brought to the district was mouth-watering; or the souls were just famished. Especially the young ones; which troubled the kind-hearted captain most of all the many predicaments known to exist in Rukongai. That though, was going to be taken care of. It was a good thing the soul society harvested an excellent amount of cooks. He was amongst those select few. Now, as he wondered and thought about his scheme to rid Rukongai of these hassle, he sealed his eyes for a brief second. His siesta though would come about to be interrupted. How short-lived the snooze was.

A delicate bump would force the Captain awake. His oculars shut open, acknowledging the seated officer. Concluding from the quantity of her spiritual power, the officer was a third seat. Ascertaining from the stimulating fragrance the presence gave off, a female at that – one clueless of her whereabouts; which he gathered from her facial expression. Now turned around to face the lost sheep, his arms would reach out to grasp the female; his hands gripped her arms. She had a petite body build, which suited her. She was cute. He admired her the way a father would to his daughter. He recognized her as the member of the twelfth division. Zakuroichi Rina was her name, if his memory served him right. Having dwelled in soul society for decades, exceeding a thousand years, he knew the majority of shinigamis.

“Ah, Rina-chan. What brings you here? You seem misplaced, are you alright?”

He spoke, standing before the female. He must have looked like a giant to her, considering the vast different in height and body build. How intimidating he must have been.

Code:

The sun shone vividly in the plain blue sky, spreading its warmth throughout the village. Guttural sounds of frustration could be heard every now and then, as the villagers expressed disapproval of the high temperatures in Sunagakure; a hint to the season that was to ensue, the lengthy days an addition to the summer season. The Inuzuka was out on a leisure stroll as usual, a book clasped in his hands. With eyes fixated upon the literature, he managed to weave his way through the crowded streets of Sunagakure; knocking against villagers a few times. A simple exchange of apology barred any conflict to arise; instilling tranquility once more between both victims. No hint of perspiration was visible on the boy’s face, though unusual with the heat that overwhelmed the village - he managed to cool himself down with the fresh beverage located in the satchel on his back. Despite the high temperature and for reasons unknown by outsiders, he settled on wearing his casual baggy clothing. It would be a bad choice if he was planning on staying out for an extended period of time, but he wasn’t – so the baggy outfit wasn’t much of a problem, since he planned on visiting the cool environment of his home and staying put there for a while... at least till the temperature cooled down.


It was apparent that the boy had a good frame of mind, an unusual occurrence. The brown-skinned male usually scampered around causing problems for the villagers. He put down into writing random lyrics, words popped into his head as he sauntered, not precisely certain of the path he walked; with his centre of attention being on the literature in his hands, more precisely the words he wrote down. Accompanied with the rapid movement of his wrist was the constant nodding of his head as the male’s skull moved in several, consecutive trend. He recited the lyrics mentally, attempting to compose a song. Contrasting to other youngsters his age, the Sunagakure menace possessed remarkable abilities: his artistic and musical knowledge which he placed to good use, though in ways that frustrated others. He came to a halt, sealing the book and placing it back in the bag located on his back. He took out two cans filled with paint before sealing up the satchel. The brown-skinned male was going back to his standard practice. With both cans held in different hands, his left feet dragged across the floor, to the left; his body moving along, in a twisting pattern and then back to his straight posture. He executed the same movements, but rather than moving to the left moved the contrary way; the right. He repeated those actions as he walked forward, humming a tune.

Hope you don't mind that I provided three rather than one. Just thought I'd show off.

Also three different scenarios. One happens to be my entrance into a topic. The second, my acknowledging of another being's presence. The third being descriptions and what-not.

Though they are not "humans", I think these samples depict a mundane day at the least.

....

No, not doing it.

It isn't showing off if having three samples makes me not want to look at any of them. If you have looked at any of the approved RP samples, I put a fair amount of time in critiquing the writing style and the things that can be improved/worked on for the writer. I am quite busy with a lot of things as it is so giving me three samples is not a smart move.

Added to this fact is that you clearly admit that you are apparently copying these from other places you have used them and that while you have looked at the rules, you are deciding not to follow them since they are still mundane days.

That isn't showing off, thats setting a bad impression. :-/

So how about we do this. You take the sample you think is the best and edit that one so it is about an actual human. Probably wouldn't be too hard if they are mundane days anyway.

Might also recommend looking at a few of the other approved RP samples to see if they are like yours. The fact that you are using posts from actual RPing topics is rather unusual, most people actually make a stand alone RP sample so you can have an actual self-contained story. As I have only glanced at your three examples I don't know how problematic that will actually be but you should be warned about that.

I don't want to see like I am trying to be problematic but in the end the rules are the rules. If you are such a good roleplayer that you can afford to show off by having three samples then I am sure it shouldn't be too hard to edit an old one or quickly make a new one.

“I haven’t got time for your cat-and-mouse bull shit! Give up already... I’m still going to munch on that sweet meat of yours, eventually. So, give up already! Wasting my time just infuriates me even more! Ugh! You know what... screw it! I’ll just cut your damned head off!” Xavier uttered in a loud voice at the long-tailed rodent who scurried around, making each attempt five year old made to capture it unsuccessful. One would expect the words to come from an older one, perhaps one in their adolescent. There was a clear reason for this, an explanation that was quite obvious to the onlookers. Xavier was a born master mind with outstanding abilities for a kid his age – he was a genius, having exceptional intellectual ability and originality. He picked up the basics of the human language while at the age of three, learning his cultural languages at four. Profanities Xavier had picked up after overhearing several rants of his father, which he had while discussing with his friend – the pilot, who had flown in to pay a visit to the family.

Xavier reached behind him, into the holster strapped to his waist. The tan-skinned boy grasped the handle of his knife – small in size. He stretched out his right arm, aiming at the miniature body of the rodent before pulling back his arm, and with a swift movement he sent the two edged blade moving forward through the air rapidly, impaling the rodent dead-on its neck; out the other end, detaching the rodent’s head from the rest of its body. Xavier possessed his father’s physical ability and power – explaining why he was successful with his executed action. Possessing all these remarkable, noteworthy qualities often made one a perfect being – but one also needed to possess the attitude as well, which Xavier did not have. He was lethally short-tempered and had a brutal, cold personality. Xavier was direct and most of the time sarcastic when he spoke, becoming a sadistic one when he became engaged in battle. He would eventually, hopefully, develop calmness of mind as he grew and matured. Xavier approached the deceased creature, picking up his knife from the ground and then the body, smashing the head with the underside of his footwear. He grinned wildly at his accomplishment.

“Warned you, but you just had to be prude!” he exclaimed at the deceased rodent, scurrying off to the location of his family. The sun gradually disappeared below the horizon, it was setting; night time was near. The Malik family collected in a place, around the fireplace that provided luminosity brightened up the darkness the tall sturdy woody plants provided. The period of gloom eventually befell the family, the source of light being the moonlight and fireplace. The dry and dusty Western African trade wind blew by, causing the family to cover up their air hole – preventing the fine dust particles passage into their body. Their eyes were shut and dug into their arms, this way the dust couldn’t get into their eyes and thus, cause irritation from doing so. Holding both ends of the thin long stick, Xavier would eat the meat of it. The skewered meat and fish served with ground pepper and onions was one of Xavier’s favourite snacks. A moment of silence befell the group as each and every one of them savoured the delicious, mouth-watering snack.

[I'm from West Africa by the way. ^^]

A decent sample. Very clear what is happening and there is no confusion in the plot events.

Thus I award this

Tier 2

I have a few issues though when it comes to how you describe things. The whole "this kid is super strong and smart" kinda felt a little over the top but you did address that he has a terrible personality which was a little better. And since it is your RP sample and not a character app I guess you can make your character awesome if you so choose.

There was a clear reason for this, an explanation that was quite obvious to the onlookers. Xavier was a born master mind with outstanding abilities for a kid his age – he was a genius, having exceptional intellectual ability and originality.

Usually better not to have statements like that first sentence. It feels like it is addressing the reader directly trying to give a narrator reason for why the event occurred. And just saying something is really obvious isn't always the best idea.


Xavier possessed his father’s physical ability and power – explaining why he was successful with his executed action.

You don't really have toadd the "explaining why he was successful" part. Most or your readers can figure out when you say that he possesses his father's power that it explains why he was able to kill the rat like that without the author having to explain it as well.



this way the dust couldn’t get into their eyes and thus, cause irritation from doing so.

Another example, most people know that dust in eyes hurts. You don't need to remind the reader of that.

Also with your descriptions you seem to have a habit of just listing attributes like a laundry list. Could be blended more with the narrative but it doesn't HURT the narrative.

So you can make everything except for an Elder One (which you can't make immediately anyway). So make your character and weapon.