“So, this is Madame Rose’s Psychic Emporium, hmm? Guess it’s time to see just what the future has in store for me…” The modestly-dressed figure spoke as she walked inside. Brushing aside the multitudes of bright green and purple beads with an arm, she called out to the owner. “Oh, Madame Rose, I am here for my appointed tarot reading. Are you at home?” She asked as she drew a black terrycloth jacket closer around herself, seeking refuge from the dust swirling around in the air. On her jacket was a plain white nametag that said ‘Marie’, likely from some sort of hospital job.
She looked around slowly, trying to imagine the owner through everything strewn across the floor. All around the entrance, she saw dozens of dust-covered tomes, most of them with the covers ripped off. It seemed she had stumbled into quite the eccentric. As her eyes came to rest on a doorway filled with brightly colored beads, Marie found her way to a chair and slowly sat down on it.
“Coming, my child. I seem to have gotten myself caught on the floor. Just wait a short while!” A raspy voice called back, grunting with every few words. Before the other figure could get up to assist, a loud tearing sound was heard. Tumbling end over end, Madame Rose came through the doorway, a mess of purple linen and gaudy Mardi gras beads. “Oh dear, I really need to fix that floorboard. Not now, of course. I wish the cards had warned me of that…” The pile of cloth said as it hauled itself up to a seat.
“So, child, what is it you seek from the cards?” the exalted Madame Rose asked her guest, guiding her through the shuffling and cutting of the deck. “It’s…It’s my husband. I have reason to believe he’s been…he’s been with another woman,” Marie explained. “He goes out at night and comes back smelling like a garden, if he comes back at all. I’m worried, Madame Rose…”
“Oh, I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about. The deck will reveal a future of happiness, and faithfulness, and…oh shit.” The robed figure said as she revealed the first card. “Oh shit? What is it!?” Marie asked, suddenly forceful. “The Nine of Swords. It represents cruelty or betrayal. Oh, but I’m sure the spirits are just confused. Nothing to worry about, child. Let us see the next card…”
Much to Marie’s dismay, however, the next card spoke further of such deeds. The next, and the next, every card turned over seemed to speak more and more of what she had most feared. “Death, Temperance in reverse, and the Tower. All of these refer to dark times, as well as untruth. Run my child, run to your loved one!” She warned, flinging her arms outward toward the door.
Never one to ignore such things, Marie quickly grabbed a handful of dollars out of her purse and placed them before Madame Rose. Nodding quickly, she took off. She didn’t even notice the single card left face-down in front of the fortune teller.“God speed, child. God speed…” Rose spoke as she flipped over the final card. “Ten of Swords. Well, she most certainly is in the darkest of times right now. But the card also shows hope for the future. Crap, I bet she would’ve liked to have known that little bit. Oh well…” She said as she carefully placed the cards back into her robe and watched Marie’s car drive off toward town.
Emo AFKer
Posts : 56 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-10-03 Age : 32 Location : Being a lazy d-bag.
Hmm, I have to say, I found this sample to be quite enjoyable to read. You managed to create a character (Madame Rose) who has both an interesting profession and an eccentric personality of her own, all while making the story itself believable (i.e. having the sample be a routine day in the life of Madame Rose). I did however have a bit of difficulty discerning whether Madame Rose or Marie was the main character of the sample. But in hindsight, it is Madame Rose who is the center of attention in the sample, so this seems to be a minor deal.
Other rare (and I mean rare) grammatical errors, this is a well polished sample that has a clear cause-and-effect story going on. The beginning of the sample grabs the reader's attention, while not leaving them hanging and wondering what's going on. I would love to see Madame Rose in a story of her own, but oh well.
TIER-1
Last edited by Levi Colton on 10/8/2010, 2:19 am; edited 1 time in total
Zafaron Uriuc Admin
Posts : 388 Points : 65 Join date : 2010-09-19 Age : 32 Location : California Dude!
Subject: Re: Kurokotsu's Roleplay Sample (Approved) 10/8/2010, 2:16 am
Just slapping my own Approved stamp on this sample as well. The events are strung together very well and Madame Rose is a very amusing character to read about.
"The pile of cloth said as it hauled itself up to a seat."
I also love that line.
Tier 1
Runic
Posts : 43 Points : 0 Join date : 2010-09-23
Subject: Re: Kurokotsu's Roleplay Sample (Approved) 10/12/2010, 8:30 am
Time to officially provide my input, I suppose.
As I have stated to you earlier, I enjoy the flow of the story and you can provide details in a manner that adds to the story without sacrifice.
The only issue I have, as I have stated, is that it definitely feels as though the story was gutted in some areas, as though some parts of the story that would naturally be there simply are not. I read it and definitely think "something's missing..." throughout the work.
However, that aside, I can see some good things in this sample and, while the missing chunks are lamentable, the story here is still strong. For that, I place you at
12/3/2013, 6:23 am by 
