Bleach: Maelstrom
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Bleach: Maelstrom

An Alternate Universe Bleach RP. Chaos has finally been unleashed upon the world as the races, ancient and new, all vie for supremacy.
 
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 Johnathans RP sample. (Approved)

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Johnathan Walker




Posts : 3
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Join date : 2010-12-02

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PostSubject: Johnathans RP sample. (Approved)   Johnathans RP sample. (Approved) Icon_minitime12/2/2010, 5:51 pm

Another day, another annoying sound from his alarm clock. The sound produced by the young man could best be described as a mixture of yawning, letting out a sigh and growling like a hungry lion. It would be a mystery for all time how he managed to not fall out of his bed at night – he was already hanging out of it half way, and as he tried to get up, fell the last few inches through the air. The lucky thing was he landed on something soft, his head. At least it felt soft from all the drinking yesterday. In this moment, Johnathan could've sworn his cat, which was yawning while stretching out on his blanket, was laughing silently.
It took him several minutes to actually get up from his strange position. Rubbing the back of his head, making his long, dark blonde hair an even bigger mess, his eyes slowly wandered to the alarm clock. He knew what he would see. It wasn't the first time, and wouldn't be the last time. It happened every monday, no matter what week, no matter what month. Well, maybe that was over-dramatizing it... but it happened more often than it didn't, at least. The dreaded moment, were eyes that couldn't see that good without glasses – which somehow found their way down to the floor – transfered the current time into his brain, cruel and unforgiving. This was the moment... he knew one thing.
Maybe it wasn't the speed of sound – but the speed at which he grabbed his glasses from the floor, together with some clothes, was damn near close to it. At least that was what his cat thought, just yawning once more on the bed of her owner. It was a completely white cat, with red eyes – an albino. The short fur still had the ability to leave fine hairs behind everywhere, and it looked in amusement as it's owner tried to brush his own long hair, eat a beagle, gulp it down with water and get all those small hairs off of his clothing. The same sight every morning, but each time, he fell over something different on the floor of his small apartment. This time, it was one of the beer bottles on the ground.
As the glass was flying upwards behind him, miracolously landing on his desk, Johnathan flew face-first right into his bed again. His cat saved itself by jumping straight up, and was now sitting on the back of his head like that was usual, yawning once more. Johnathan sighed heavily into his blanket. This was going to be a long day.

As his train was already leaving, Johnathan was panting heavily – inside of it, luckily. His black T-shirt with the name of a heavy metal band was still a bit white at parts from the hairs of his cat, but that was not an unusual sight.
Trying to get his glasses whiped off a bit – somehow, they always managed to get dirty in a matter of seconds – he looked straight into the face of one of his friends when setting it on again. Greeting her, Johnathan had his usual, tired voice. It was quite weird – even though his life was usually full of daily fails, like his crash into the bed in the morning, and he clearly wasn't the best looking guy out there. Sure, he was tall, but also what people call nerdy – muscles? Not found here.
„You look like half a cat each morning.“ The remark came from his friend – she could truely be called a tomboy. She was rarely seen around those 'girly-girls' – to be exact, never. Not even back in school. It wasn't like any of them studied mathematics in college, like the two now standing in the overcrowded train.
„Meow.“ Was the only answer of Johnathan, coupled with a weird smile. It wasn't unfriendly, but looked like someone who tried to smile while being forced to stand in the rain for twenty hours. He did that on purpose, though – his humor was usually dry and full of sarcasm, but had one redeeming thing. He was able to laugh about himself.
As the talk drifted from his cat towards their studies in math, Johnathans thoughts became more and more distant from his mouth. He hated mathematics nowadays. It was hard, made hardly any sense, and was not used often... it drifted off, to the deck of Tarot Cards on his desk back at home. Hopefully, the beer bottle from today morning didn't throw them over. But knowing his luck, they did.
Sighing, he once more cursed on their professors with his friend, both laughing. For others, they may have looked like a couple at first – but really, only at first. They more looked like two goofy boys than a 20 year old man and woman. Chariot... his birth card. Maybe he really was stuck in being himself from some time ago... someone who didn't want to change his attitude towards life. Someone who didn't want to grow up. He felt like his entire life was turning into a fast downward-spiral.
The little bit of good mood was already gone when he arrived at college. Johnathan already asked himself how he would survive this day.

Back in his home, after eating the breakfast her owner made her, a certain white cat jumped onto his desk, curious as always. Sniffing on the tarot cards wildly scattered about. Somehow, only one of them showed the actual top-side. Looking at it, the animal saw the upside-down Tower. Of course, being an animal, she didn't know the meaning. Tilting the head a bit, it turned around and walked towards the bed again to sleep some more, as usual.
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Zafaron Uriuc
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Zafaron Uriuc


Posts : 388
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Join date : 2010-09-19
Age : 32
Location : California Dude!

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PostSubject: Re: Johnathans RP sample. (Approved)   Johnathans RP sample. (Approved) Icon_minitime12/4/2010, 4:27 pm

Giving this one

TIER 2

A pretty good sample all around. A few times when you are describing either appearances or certain actions the various descriptions seem to be a little chaotic, almost as if the descriptive sentences are kinda bouncing into each other or something. Hard to describe.

Also I am terrified over the fact that you eat Beagles. Why you do this!?

*awesomeface*

So yeah if you want more indepth critiques later when I don't have a couple thousand things to do I will give a more in depth one.
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