Bleach: Maelstrom
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Bleach: Maelstrom

An Alternate Universe Bleach RP. Chaos has finally been unleashed upon the world as the races, ancient and new, all vie for supremacy.
 
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Shirayuki Ayame




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Join date : 2010-10-25

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PostSubject: RP Sample - Compete (Approved)   RP Sample - Compete  (Approved) Icon_minitime10/25/2010, 3:55 am

As evening began to slip away for night, the sun slowly disappeared over the building tops, taking with it the last drops of sunlight. A dark blue velvet cloaked the sky, and street lamps buzzed to warm life in response, providing the streets with a strangely warm glow in the chill of the night air. The streets were crowded, never mind the late hour, and the place was drowned in the low drone of the passer-bys as they chatted on and on, lost in the bustle of the city. An occasional whoosh was heard as a taxi was stopped and sent off, and a shriek would rise up once in a while, full of laughter and delight .

A couple passed by, arms interlocked affectionately, the girl’s head nestled comfortably atop the boy’s. They gazed at each other for seconds at a time, before bursting into excited giggles at nothing at all, filled with the bubbly haze of young love. The girl’s heels clacked on the floor beside the soft thumps of the boy’s sneakers, and they soon disappeared into the crowd once more.

A lone girl stood out from the crowd, standing at the crosswalk, awaiting for the signal to change so that she could cross. She had a head of long, curled brown hair, placed neatly under a woolen cap, that was pulled down to cover her reddened ears. She wore a lovely white coat, with her hands shoved deeply inside the pockets in an attempt to keep them warm. She brought them out a moment later, to ghost her warm breath across the cold flesh. Her blue eyes stared distantly at the rapidly disappearing couple, a strange gleam in her eyes - almost as if she were reminiscing, and yet, longing at the same time.

Her eyes widened as though she caught herself, and she looked away hurriedly, eyes lidded almost shamefully as they gazed upon the suede boots her feet were clad in. She licked her upper lip thoughtfully, biting down on her lower. Funny - just a year ago, she’d have been in the same position as the girl. But now…now, she was watching the scene as though it were a memory from her own life, playing across the screen.

”Hey. My name’s Tye. Well, it’s Tyus, but I like Tye better. Don’t you?”

Come to think of it, she’d met him around the same time last year - in the beginning of December, when the tell-tale signs of snow had first begun to fall. He’d been…charming. He’d been like the fairytale prince she’d always dreamed of coming to sweep her off her feet. He thought she was beautiful, and in turn, she too, had thought him to be a prince.

”Oh, don’t worry, Lily - it’ll be fine.”

That had been his favorite saying. ‘Don’t worry,’ he’d always said. ‘Don’t worry, he’d protect her.’ ‘Don’t worry, he’d never make her cry.’ ‘Don’t worry, he’d make her happy,’ he’d said.

She’d believed, and she paid the price for believing such foolish notions. She’d always been a cynic, and she’d been stupid to try to be otherwise - but it had been so easy to get caught up in Tye’s web of fantastic ideas, of his magical world where everything was always bright and sunny and beautiful. She couldn’t help it, then.

”Don’t worry Lily; I promised, didn’t I? I won’t make you cry, silly girl.”

Pfft. Right. He was always just that, that stupid Tye - empty, stupid lies. But she’d believed him, she’d wanted to believe him. He’d said he was going to make her his princess, and never before in her life had she longed to be one more than then. She’d been ready to ditch that ever-so precious medical degree, she’d been ready to let him whisk her away from all she’d known to be her steady life on the back of his shiny black motorcycle. In fact, when he’d arrived at her door that day, dripping wet from the rain with droplets on his cheek she was quite sure wasn’t the rain, she’d even agreed to marry him in that bout of insanity. Never mind that their ring was an illusionary one, replaced with a kiss to the ring finger instead.

She’d been a down-to-earth girl, with a no-nonsense attitude to life - one that spoke volumes of success, one where she’d be a high-income doctor. One that her parents had instilled in her was the good life from an early age.

But with the appearance of Tye, she’d been prepared to throw it all away.

Only, he had to go and leave without her, the prick that he was.

”I’m sorry, Lily - I guess I couldn’t keep that promise, after all. But hey - I made you happy for a while, didn’t I?”

The stupid git had joked and laughed even on his death bed, much to Lily’s distress. She’d cried, she’d screamed, she’d sobbed, clenching onto his hospital shirt - why hadn’t he told her sooner? Why had he said it was a mere cold? Why hadn’t he told her the truth? Why couldn’t the doctors cure it? Why couldn’t she cure it - she was only a year away from completing her medical degree!

But he’d smiled and waved it off - he’d waved his own life away, Lily had screamed.

And then, he was gone, with a final whispered ‘I love you,’ and Lily was left crying that she hadn’t said it back yet. That she wasn’t finished being angry. That she wasn’t finished being happy - that she couldn’t be a princess without a prince. But, like always, he never took others’ plans into consideration.

”Miss? Miss? If you’re going to go, you should go now - the light’s about to end.”

Lily’s head snapped up, her blue eyes focusing on the blinking light ahead. She nodded a hurried thanks, and moved to dart across the street, brushing away the stray droplet of water on her cheek.
=======================================================

-Cough- O.O Yep yep~ I felt a bit angsty. ^^" Though I couldn't write much with the word limit. D:
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Zafaron Uriuc
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Zafaron Uriuc


Posts : 388
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Join date : 2010-09-19
Age : 32
Location : California Dude!

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PostSubject: Re: RP Sample - Compete (Approved)   RP Sample - Compete  (Approved) Icon_minitime10/26/2010, 3:52 pm

*blinks*

Quite impressive I have to say. There really isn't much for me to critique. You allow the reader to get deep into her mindset and really give us a feel of who she is and what she is feeling. Not only that, but you do it in a way that the reader almost feels as if the character herself is showing us who she is rather than having a narrator list everything abou her.

I have to say that I was quite drawn into the story which is reason enough to award you

Tier 1

All races will eventually be open to you (though you will have to roleplay with a regular character for a bit before you can make an Elder One.)

A very good sample, make your character now.
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