Kuraiyami's Rp sample. T-T' Try #2

{Don't scold me, the page for the rules is a major lagg & I don't feel like waiting an hour to read them. I got this from on top of my head, & my cat is sleeping partly on the keybored. So yea.. ._.}

Kurai hummed lightly walking on the sidewalk, takeing equal steps & with Haru becide her, skipping lightly. Haru was a small white cat from whome Kurai had know sence she was a little girl. Kurai had her Mp3 on & her headphones around her neck, but they were on loud enough for Haru to hear, which is why he was skipping. Kurai wore some dark blue jeans that were ripped slightly around her knees showing that she had worn them out abit, she also wore a light blue shirt with a picture of a Orange & a glass of orange juice with the orange saying, 'Mommy?'. Her hair was put up in pig tails with some left down, & she wore her favorite pair of running shoes.

Then continued to walk untill they came across a small Sushi shop that Haru Love Love LOVED. Haru Purred loudly looking up to it & stopped for a moment, letting Kurai continue walking & licked his lips smelling the Sushi. Kurai looked abck at Haru, after not seeing him by her side anymore & took afew steps backwards & looked at the shop. "Oh no Haru, I'm not going in there. I hate fish. Expessallaly rotten fish." she said looking down to him. He looked up to her & mewed softly, giveing her, 'the look'. "No." she said sternly. He frowned abit & continued to walk like nothing's wrong But Kurai sighed gently, giveing up. "Fine..." she muttered weakly. Mewwing with happyness, he squeezed into the small opening of the Sushi shop door & waited for Kurai.

Well, going by the rules, the sample is slightly too short. We ask for between 300 and 1000 words, though we let it slide if it's close enough.

The story is easy to understand, but it feels like you didn't put a lot of thought into it - I'm not saying it's bad, merely that it seems a bit rough around the edges.

There are a few basic mistakes with the spelling, though it's not bad enough to ruin the reading. It could probably be fixed if you read it through an extra time before posting.

Unfortunately, the way it's presented, the story does come off as slightly bland. It's not a bad idea, and it could without a doubt work if presented a bit different. I'd like to see you give it one more try and spice it up a little bit, if possible.

Don't worry, I won't ask for a major overhaul or anything, just an attempt to make it more... "interesting" isn't exactly the word, more like "captivating", if you know what I mean.

Also, sorry for the late review - the Staff have been busy with real life issues (such as never-ending essay assignments and other schoolwork, as well as general time-consuming activities).