RP Sample.

Sesshoumarou sat atop the plane, with his oddly colored jumpsuit on, as the highly powered winds beat down on him from the front. It was quite aggravating - the high powered winds were pushing him backwards slightly, and thank the lord for his boots, which were keeping him still. The wind was also blowing so hard it forced Sesshoumarou to squint his eyes, giving him a large disadvantage when it came to his sight. Sight, at the given moment was something that might allow his enemy, Mr. Akuma, the finishing blow in the fight. As well as being temporarily visually impaired, Sesshoumarou was also, as usual, missing his left arm. This wasn't a complete drawback, because as is with most cases, when a being has only 1 arm, that arm compensates for the missing arm, thus making his right arm the strength of two arms, as well as the grip of two arms. Said grip was keeping a firm hold of his katana, which was held by his fierce grip, onto the arm that was flowing fiercly behind him due to the air. Of course, if he so desired, he could bring it in front of him, but it wouldn't be a good idea, seeing as depending on the angle of how he holds it, it could easily redirect the blade right back at him, so he surely needed to be careful.

The rumors were true - they were circulating throughout the world; the two most gifted swordsmen in the world were getting ready to duel. It was making headlines almost instantly - it was a rather large event. What made it even more big was the fact they were on top of an airplane, with magnetic boots keeping them attached to the plane... the only thing keeping them attached to the plane. If either of them were not careful, they could easily fall 9,000 feet and splatter onto the ground. Such would be a tragic end, as well as an embarrassing and shameful death when fighting in a duel. However, as risky as it could have been, and as risky as it is, completing such a feat and one or the other making it alive would then prove them worthy of the title, "Best Swordsman", due to the simple fact that skill was needed over raw power. This whole duel was planned to implement skill rather than power. Cunning over brawn would prove to the world that you need not power, yet brains and logic. No matter how powerful you are, if you're fancy with your feet and a smart and tactical thinker, you could easily send an opponent falling to their death, thousands of feet below. As scary as it might be, it also gave room for none other than excitement!

Sesshoumarou's face was none other than his typical expressionless glance in the direction he is facing. The two got along good enough to stay on the plane until they reached a steady altitude, so the two would prepare and climb to the top of said plane. That was honorable on both behalves, however, when Mister Sesshoumarou sent his letter to the well-respected Mr.Akuma, Sesshoumarou's cousin got ahold of the letter and added a nasty and disrespectful insult to the letter, calling the honorable Mr.Akuma none other than a retard. Such was an insult Sesshoumarou would never bestow upon somebody, though there was no use in apologizing about it, as the battle would result in the death of one or the other - if Sesshoumarou dies, then it simply wouldn't matter what happened in that letter, or any bad blood that may still exist. And if Sesshoumarou won, there'd be no use in even remembering such a thing, as the victim of said injustice would be gone, and, though remembered, the small things would simply be forgotten. The only thing Sesshoumarou would remember Mr.Akuma by, if Sesshy even won, would be the noble, honorable and heroic fight he put up... if he put one up anyway. Putting up a fight in such conditions would be extremely hard, and one shouldn't discriminate against the other if the other accidentally makes a slip of one's hand, or slip of footing, as such would be reasonable and understandable, and if one were to speak badly about the other for the simple fact of them messing up in a logicaland reasonable way, then one could simply pity the fool in whatever type of afterlife exists, if such a place would exist at all.

The two of them sat there, ontop of the plane, the wind beating down on Mr.Akuma's back, and the wind beating down on Sesshoumarou's torso, as well as his hair, forcing his long silver locks to flow furiously behind him, whipping as if they were trying to escape his scalp. Sesshoumarou noted the expression on Mr.Akuma's face, and paid no more attention to it after noting it. He also glanced down at his footing, noticing his feat are in the style of kendo, and his hands are both on the frip of his katana. With a slight nod of his head, Sesshoumarou understood what Akuma was doing - he was getting in a position that would not rip his katana straight from his hands, leaving him completely and utterly weaponless. Such a tactic was smart indeed, so Sesshoumarou would later applaud... err... one-hand-applaud... Mr Akuma for said cunning later, if he were to survive. Sesshoumarou also expressionlessly saw that Mr.Akuma spoke, but due to the screaming air on all sides, he was unable to hear. He could guess it had something to do with the battle, but pushed it aside as if it were nothing to worry about. He took in a deep breath, which came obviously easy due to air being rushed into his lungs, but did so without discomfort. After he exhaled, he closed his eyes for a brief second and took a slight bow, in honor of the both of him. He did a bow that suggested the words, rather then speak them, May the best man win.. He rose from his bow, and took a look at his surroundings, thinking it'd be best to wait for an attack rather than make the attack, due to the position he was currently in.

This needs a rewrite for sure.

Mundane day. A battle between the "two strongest swordsman on the planet" on an airplane is not mundane. There is no way you can reason that out where it makes sense. This is not mundane in any way shape or form. Despite the fact that you don't actually have battle, the premise itself is too ridiculous to pass by.

Now I will give you a slight critique while you make a new one that is about a mundane human. First, try reading your sentences out loud. If it is so long you seem like you are going to pass out trying to read it out without stopping you should try shortening it up. Also you reuse phrases terribly. It is artificial lengthening at its worst. You will have one sentence that says something and then a second that says pretty much the same thing without giving the reader any more information. You also will sometimes just shove extra unnecessary clauses into the sentence to make it longer.

And there are a lot of terrible examples where the narrator interjects and just tells the audience so much information. You should show, not tell the audience things. Let the events unfold due to the characters actions, thoughts, and dialogue without filling it up with the narrator's commentary.

Like I said this was just from skimming the sample so it isn't a thorough review, but it needs a complete rewrite. Mundane day. Not swordfighting on top of airplanes.

No. Im not here to be your little bitch. I will not do as you say. Your logic is illogical. You want a mudane human on a site thats going to be filled with illogic gallore. Im simply not doing that. That's stupid. Your opinion matters less than how I see things. While I do thank you for your input, you're simply not getting me to do something realistic on an unrealistic site - where the spirits of the dead come back to "life" and obtain a sword and kill beasts that eat human souls and fire giant beams from their hands, while in the other hand they have a transforming sword.

That was taken from a tournament where we had permission to do such. Im not listening to you. I dont have to write realistically to show that im a good roleplayer and if you think otherwise, goodbye.

For the sample, yes. It's easy as hell to write a lot of action sequences for yourself. That doesn't show anything about your actual skills to make a plot and sell the story.

Anyway, since you've insulted the head admin for no good reason, and since you apparently didn't read the rules at all or you'd know that we require a day in the life of a more or less average human, aaaand for being a crybaby when things didn't go your way, I must say I have no doubt you'd hate being here anyway.

Good bye, and good riddance.

The sample, oh ye of few brain cells, is to see how someone can act out a normal, everyday person. We do this because if someone can't act out the mundane, they'll fail horribly at the extraordinary. You seem to fall into this category quite nicely. Rather than having any substance to your writing, you just add in random words to give the illusion of having something good to say.

In reality, you're just another hopeless, helpless pile of shit. One who, as I've seen here, has no creativity whatsoever. For a sample, you take from a previous roleplay. For a background, you mix together Inuyasha with another roleplay. Oh, don't even get me started on that application, though. You stole directly from Inuyasha, not a hint of something actually original.

You say you don't have to be realistic to be good, but that's where you're wrong. Oh, so wrong it's not even funny. If you can't act out the mundane and the average, you'll never be able to do anything worth a damn with above average. You're the kind of person who makes Twilight seem like a masterpiece, at least that dumb broad knew how to draw in a crowd with her talentless writing.

Between your lack of respect for authority and your verbose, poorly thought-out writing, I can guess you got kicked out of school by...third grade? You certainly have the attitude of a snot-nosed little tard who thinks he's always right. When we talk about things we don't want on the site, or things that kill sites, we talk about people like you. People who, despite all the flowery language and large paragraphs, still can't create anything of substance, anything worth my time to read.

If you ever try to come to this site again, I will personally cut your cock off with a potato peeler and then shove it up your ass so far you'll feel it piercing through the center of idiocy you call a brain. You can't possibly know how stupid you are, for to know that would mean suicide at the realization of how much time you've wasted on life.

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