Taiji Rp Sample

Taiji sat atop a small brown hut, which was covered by
dense forest and large trees. Taiji looked up at the clouds
passing by with dull expression on his face and a sense of disharmony
as if something is unclear to him. " How boring " , he said.
" Hey ! Taiji get down here ", an unknown voice called out. Taiji
sluggishly raised himself and leaned over the roof to acknowledge
who was calling out to him. Upon meeting the boy's gaze he realizes it was
Hitoma, A close friend of his. " What do you want can't you see I'm busy...." , Taiji yelled back. " Busy? You're just being lazy as usual your not busy " he responded
with a quick chuckle followed after. " Anyway put some clothes on and let's go" He continued. Taiji let out loud whine while simutaenously stretching his arms
back.
Within 15-20 minutes Taiji was dressed, wearing
his bright orange Hakama, with a white and blue obi sash.
he also sported a black fingerless glove on his right arm that was so thin, it appeared as if his skin had changed colors. He placed his hand on his forward as his fingers met dark purple hair which he could have but was far too lazy to comb. " Where the hell are you dragging me to now Hitoma..." he said , the fact that he was slightly aggitated from being disturbed was present in his voice. Hitoma noticed this and continued smiling." We are going to see a shinigami ! ". Taiji looked at him even more aggitated, but then he sighed and calmed himself " You do realize that we see Shinigami everyday in the Rukongai don't you ". he asked. " Yea we do but we've never seen a Captain come into the Rukongai before " He quickly answered back. Taiji rested his left arm in his Hakama. " What's the difference a shinigami is a shinigami regardless of rank ", he stated with a dull expression. Hitoma grabbed Taiji's arm and began walking in the direction of the market place out of dense forest, having Taiji stumble while trying to keep up. " Come on " Hitoma said " It'll be fun "
Finally arriving into the center of the Rukongai. Hitoma aimlessly looks around
insight of a Captain, asking civilians and looking behind every corner with no luck at all.
" How do you even that a Captain is suppose to be here Hitoma" , Taiji asked.
Hitoma stopped sulking and looked towards Taiji. " I overheard some Shinigami
saying that Captain Jushiro Ukitake would be visiting the civilians of the Rukongai" He stated and then continued to sigh." Well no point in- " , Taiji began to speak but noticed
out the corner of his eye a Glimpse of white and black clothing. " Is that your man Hitoma..." he later finished. Hitoma looked up and his expression quickly changed as he became overfilled with joy, running up to the Captain and latching on to him. " Y...Your Captain Jushiro Ukitake aren't you ! It's so exciting to meet a captain for the first time "
The Captain looked down with slight astonishment, but happily welcomed the praise.
" Well well...Thank you for making me feel so popular, and who may you two be Academy Students Maybe " , The senior asked warmly and smiled back and forth between Hitoma and Taiji. " No not me sir...but Taiji over there he's a good fighter, he could be a shinigami easy" Hitoma answered. " Shut up Hitoma, why would i want to be a shinigami anyway ", Taiji barked. " Well being a shinigami shows that you have a sense of honor and responsibilty for the Civilians of the this world and the Living world.
and nothings wrong with that " , The Captain replied with a sincere smile. Hitoma looked at Taiji who was obviously trying to insult the Captain. " So your trying to say that i have no sense of honor Old man.." He said Sternly. Jushiro sighed and looked at him before answering him with yet another smile" All I'm saying is dont knock it until you try it " he said. Hitoma feeling conflicted between his love of shinigami and his bestfriend
walked over to Taiji and whispered in his ear. " Taiji if you really want to prove him wrong why don't you enter the Shinigami Academy, It would be so cool for you to become a Shinigami" . Jushiro Ukitake easily overheard him and smuggly responded.
" I have ties to the Academy , getting you in wouldn't be a problem at all. Though
I can't help you get accepted though"..Taiji walked up close to Jushiro preparing to swing his right arm. " I don't need your stinking academy ! " He yelled out swinging his arm at Jushiro face. Before he could even blink the senior captain was already behind Taiji holding the boys arm in place with no effort." See now if you were to become a shinigami maybe then you would've been able to strike me successfully " , the Captain stated.
Hitoma looks on in amazement. Taiji then smiles while sweat drips down his face
" Tsk. Well then I'll take your offer.... I'll show you , once I graduate from the Academy
I'm coming after you" , Taiji stated threateningly. The Captain smiled accomplishing his goal of recruiting him into the Academy." Sounds like a plan..." He said.
Exactly two months from that day Taiji stood in front of the Shinigami Academy wearing
it's trademark blue and white uniform and his own trademark glove. He lets out a heavy sigh." This is it....". He walks through the Academy doors, ready to take on any challenge
to accomplish his goal.

Main problem is readily evident if you read the rules. Has to be a mundane day for a regular human. No shinigamis and no dead people. And especially no canon characters since they do not exist in this site whatsoever.

As for the little I read I see a few big problems. One of the biggest is that you seem to jump around with the tense of your verbs. Sometimes they are present, sometimes past, and I think I saw a couple that were future in the wrong place. Choosing one and sticking with it is important not to confuse the reader.

I don't know if the way this is formatted is the sites fault or your fault but paragraphs are greatly appreciated. Hard to read when it is crazily organized like this.

So yeah I am going to have to ask for a rewrite on this one. Main issue being the fact that it is about a shinigami and dead souls. Like the rules say, got to be about a mundane day for a human.