The Russian (Approved)

The Russian awoke in a warehouse with sack filled with shredded paper as his pillow, a bed made up of cardboard boxes acted as his bed. Just what kind of a night did the Russian have a few hours ago? The Russian rose with the dawn, the sun hadn't yet properly risen for all to see. The morning air blew in from the outside using the cracked windows as its point of entry. The long overcoat that the Russian wore acted as a blanket for him, shielding the man from the morning air. The eyes of the beast from the east opened, his gaze soon set upon a liquor bottle, with a cigar stuck in the mouth of the bottle.

A sigh escaped the Russian's lips as he picked himself up a little. His right hand reached for the bottle which held the cigar. And by performing a quick swipe, the bottle vanished instantly from its previous position. If this was a movie scene, the camera would now zoom in on the bottle and the cigar that the Russian held. The cigar was held between his lips and the bottle of liquor in his right hand. Without an further delays the Russian began scurrying around in his pockets, searching for something very essential in all this. The all important and essential item turned out to be a lighter. What good would his cigar be without a light to set it ablaze?

The Russian finally found it and removed the lighter from his coat pocket. As if on queue a train went passing by outside of the warehouse, creating as much noise as possible by blaring its horns. The Russian decided to ignore this while setting his cigar ablaze. Smoke began to fill the same around the man as he exhaled. The liquor bottle was then raised towards his lips, and with a quick gulp the Russian downed some of the beverage. But as soon as he gulped some of it down, majority of it was spat out immediately. The Russian's head flashed to the left, the beverage splattered all over the floor. How could he have forgotten the disgusting act that he performed some couple of hours ago?

The Russian had managed to urinate in the bottle, mixing his territorial markings with the liquor. The taste was now definitely foreign, which was ironic considering he refers to himself as the Russian in a town where he was the tourist for a change. Wiping off his mouth and taking another puff of the cigar. The Russian followed up with another sip of the disgusting beverage. "I will regret this later, right comrade?". The man said, but his words were aimed at the dead body of a male that was slumped over 10 yards from him. At least now he could pretty much remember some of what took place the night before.

Hmm, this took some consideration, but I am leaning towards:

Tier 2

Overall, this is an interesting read, and it did keep me engaged with the story. However, there are some syntax issues, among other things:

Quote :

The eyes of the beast from the east opened, his gaze soon set upon a liquor bottle, with a cigar stuck in the mouth of the bottle.

While this is not a bad metaphor, it seems out of place in the context of the story. As far as I can tell, this seems to be the only figurative language used in the whole sample. Further, it doesn't add to the story as a whole, and it even clashes with the rather gritty setting of the story.

Besides other grammatical issues in the sample, there's also the rather unusual role of the narrator. With a drop of a hat, the narrator compares one of The Russian's act to that of a movie scene, going into detail about the cinematography. This description seems rather unnecessary and comes out of the blue. It's not even a particularly involving scene, so I can't see the reason why the narrator feels the need to make the comparison.

Quote :

The taste was now definitely foreign, which was ironic considering he refers to himself as the Russian in a town where he was the tourist for a change.

Another fact about the narrator and the writing is this weird segue. How the weird taste of one's urine acts as a transition to The Russian being a stranger in this town is beyond me. Then, the matter is just dropped. A weird transition for a bit of information that adds little to the overall plot.

That's what I had to gripe about. Otherwise, it was an engaging story and one which I rather liked. Any other opinions from the staff is appreciated.