escorpión silenciosa (Approved)

Name: escorpión silenciosa (silent scorpion)

Release Phrase: "Hinder them, escorpión silenciosa"

Represent: scorpion

Family: posion

Sealed Description:

Spoiler:

Released Description:

Spoiler:

(the picture above is the best example of what Hezro's resurreccion looks like. Disregard all claws and stingers in the picture except for those attached to his arms and the largest stinger.His body is also located more towards the center instead of at the front of the scorpion body)

Hezro's lower half (waist level) becomes that of a scorpions. He gains 8 legs attached to a segmented base that replaces the lower half of his body. His forearms become pincer claws with extremely sharp edges to them and cover a total of roughly 2 feet. The back end is completely smooth with a few small spikes that dot along the claw. The claws are laced with a posion (explained in techs). The tail is 7 feet long while curved in its resting place and has a large 5 inch barb on the stinger. His mask fragments change into two smaller mouths only about an inch wide and a length of two inchs. The teeth are small and sharp but otherwise useless. The body parts are made of a tough exoskeleton, making his skin more bonelike than skinlike. The weakest part of his exoskeleton is the segmented joints as well as the base of the torso.

Resurrection Ability/Ultimate Attack: Hezro shoots a bile green poison from his tail at the opponent. This bile green poison has the density of water and can cover large area's of the opponent. If this poison gets inside a pre-existing cut, than it will start to destroy the exposed tissue. If starts off with a one post of swelling, confirming its effects. followed by necrosis (black dead tissue) and intense pain in the affected area. The poison can spead up to 4 inchs wide and can eat through about two inchs of flesh with the original cut as the focal point of the damage. This ability can cause multiple cuts to decay but only those hit by the poison initinally. (charge time:1 post, duration:3 posts, cooldown: 10 posts)

Techniques:

name: toque del asesino (touch of the assassin)
description:Being cut by Hezro's claws causes this poison to infect the opponent. It is a mild sedative that causes a delayed dizziness as well as casing infected muscles to relax making movement harder. The tech takes affect after a one post delay period before affecting the opponent.
duration: 2 posts (after activation)
cooldown: 3 posts

name: silenciamiento de golpe (silencing blow)
description: Being hit by Hezro's stinger causes this poison to infect the opponent. It is a powerful sedative that cuases intense dizziness and delayed muscle control. The tech takes affect after a one post delay period before affecting the opponent.
duration: 1 post (after activation)
cooldown: 4 posts

name: veneno de la quema (burining poison)
description:As opposed to the regular sedative poison, this poison is a burning poison that iritates the skin and eyes due to being mixed with Hezro's siliva. This attacks the opponent by being spat at by Hezro at a relatively close range, only reaching about a foot from his face. The spit gives a burning feeling that can be releaved by wiping it off ones face.
duration:1 post
cooldown:1 post

bumping this

Hmm... guess I should get started with the appearance.

Kinda humorous that the Scorpion King is used as the image for the appearance. But really, I'm somewhat confused about the description of the claws on the back end that are laced with poison. Are those the ones closest to the tail in the image? (just want to clarify)

Actually, that raises a question. Does "toque del asesino" relate to the pincer claws, or the claws on the back end? If it's the latter, than it's a bit confusing to me how those would be useful in actual combat (as the First Technique), unless it's strictly for enemies attacking from the rear (again, just clarification).

And then there's the Resurrection Ability. First off, no, the stinger cannot be completely unnoticeable. It can be very fast and quiet, but no superlatives. Secondly, it doesn't seem like an ultimate attack. I already stated my opinion about it being unnoticeable, but even with that, a 5-inch stinger being shot at someone doesn't seem to warrant an Ultimate Attack status and a 10-post cooldown. Perhaps rethinking that may be a good idea?

Other than that, nothing else glaring stands out, other than occasional grammar mistakes.

edited.

yea scorpion king was the best example of what I had in mind for this. I also forgot how many calws he actually had O.o

I changed the ultimate to something more destructive but on a more situational approach.

I think everything else looks fine. Just add charge/duration/cooldown to the Ultimate Attack.

APPROVED

P.S. I heard from Zafa that we have you to thank for showing how to make the PMs and private messaging for the staff accessible from the widget. So, thank you.

added charge/duration/cooldown and yes that was me and you guys are welcome lol

Hmm.

I would like toque del asesino to have a three turn cooldown. I feel it would be a little more balanced then. While it seems that the poisons could really cause problems for an opponent they also require the enemy to be damaged and you are the Segunda. So I guess it is fine.

So I will just say

APPROVED

but make sure to change that cooldown or I will do it for you.