For the fighting style, being extremely quiet doesn't mean much in battle because most people rely on sensing their enemies instead relying on their sight or hearing. Also, shunpo makes a noise whenever it is used and no matter how "quiet" you are, you are still going to make the same amount of sound as anyone else when using it. You can still keep it, but just know that you cannot use that as an excuse for people hitting you.
Also, Wolx was sent off to the Academy when he was found by someone after committing a crime. Well, first off, you do not say who found him. If it was a Shinigami, it wouldn't make sense. Shinigami do not just send anyone they find to the Shinigami Academy, especially criminals. They would just arrest the person.
Second, even if you did say who found him, you have to give a reason why Wolx went to the Academy. It cannot be just because he was caught stealing something. That doesn't make sense. Now if it was to straighten him out, that wouldn't make sense either because he wasn't stealing food because he wanted too. He isn't doing it just because he can or wants to, so sending him someplace to set him straight would be pointless and doesn't make sense.
Also, you don't state why he changed squads. You just say he did. There has to be a reason for that too.
You also don't say what "Taboo things" were being done to his wife that resulted in her death. Was she being experimented on? Was she being tortured? You just give a very vague explanation as to why she got the fever and died. And saying that it was a Captain that did it is not acceptable because it forces someone who is trying to make an Ex-captain from writing their own backstory. Also, if it was a current Captain, then you need to ask the Roleplayer if it is okay to say that. You cannot just say it was "a Captain." Please find a different way to explain why she died.
Also, you say that the Sotaicho denied giving him information about the person. Well, at the time you were in the Gotei 13, Zafaron was the Sotaicho and he would not do anything of the sort, in my opinion. In fact, he would try to help find the person doing these "Taboo things" and personally beat the crap out of them. So, you need to change that as well. If you plan on using Zaf in your backstory, please talk to him before doing anything to make sure everything will be legitimate.
Additionally, you said he lost his memory after the fight and only remembers that the Soul Society caused something to make him feel a certain way. Well, if he doesn't remember the incident, he wouldn't remember who caused it, so he would have something to direct his anger towards. Also, if he lost his memory, how does he remember that he is a Shinigami or has a zapakuto or use its powers? You just say that he doesn't remember Kido spells in the fighting style, which doesn't explain how he still remembers everything about being a Shinigami and still knows how to use his powers. This kind of selective memory loss isn't logical and doesn't make sense so I advise revising that. You really don't need it at all. You could just say that he sucked at Kido when he was in the Academy so doesn't use it that much.
And finally, there are a lot of spelling, grammer, and diction errors. It really detracts the flow and presentation of the app itself. I suggest reading over the app again and fix most of them or just use spell check.
12/3/2013, 6:23 am by 
