Willy's Watch

Willy stepped out of his small suburbian house and into the crisp air of a fall morning. He fiddled with his, now short, dirty blond hair. He'd gotten it cut the night before, and he was worried that it looked stupid. He pushed his bangs around his face, and eventually back to how they had been before he left the house. Finally, he gave up, releasing a sigh of cloudy breath. Bony, cold, fingers fumbled with the buttons of his coat, pulling it tight around his thin frame.

He brushed his fingers through his hair one last time, hearing the familiar click of his watch as his wrist brushed against his ear. Then came the roar of an engine, waking him from the daze he'd been in since he woke up that morning. Shaking his head, he turned right down his street, converse padding against the cracked sidewalk beneath his feet. As he walked he thought, mostly about how empty the morning felt. He couldn't quite place why, until he put his hands in his pocket. His fingers rubbed up against the cool metal of his iPod, and he remembered that he still hadn't listened to any music today.

Best remedy that.. Willy thought to himself cheerfully, removing a pair of identical earbuds from his pockets. He placed the small black pieces of plastic in his ears and hit play. The effect was immediate as always, he walked faster, he felt fuller, his day was already turning out to be excellent. As the voice of a blues singer wove words of times he was too young to know in his ears Willy went over the day's schedule. It was the same as everyday, really, but he liked to remind himself anyway.

First, visit Jon... He thought to himself, turning a corner onto a new street. The scenery passed by slowly for him, he was careful to take in every detail, even though he did so everyday. Never let things pass you by.. He reminded himself, thinking of all the times Jon had told him those exact words. He was a wise man, Jon, he knew so much more than most people that it amazed Willy how little people listened to him when they could.

A few turns, a handful of trees, two people, and a beautiful flower garden later Willy found himself at the gates he visited everyday. He walked through without a single greeting, though he passed by hundreds of people on his way to see Jon. The walk wasn't long, but it seemed like it took ages; it always did. His feet would eventually reach their destination, though, as they always did.

Willy stared directly at the large hunk of stone stuck into the ground, with a name and two dates carved into it. There were no flowers in front of it, no footprints in the ground other than his own, it looked just as lonely as it always did.

"Still no one, huh?" Willy asked, his voice suddenly choked with emotion. He reached into his pocket, removing a small origami flower from his pocket. He'd made it out of a bright red post-it note this morning before he left, like every morning. Willy reached down and placed the crimson flower at the base of the tombstone, letting a tear slide off his cheek and onto the grave. "They'll come soon. Promise. Until then, you've still got me."

I hate to do this.. But it's been quite a while since I posted the sample.. So I think I'll bump it.

Sorry it takes so long.

Zaf has been busy with the essays of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM.

Levi seems to have little time as well.

Kuro doesn't really want to do these cause he might go ape-shit if it's a "bad" sample.

As for me, I usually take a bit of time thinking everything over before passing judgement. Also, I'm not really confident judging RP samples with the tier system... plus, in this case I'm also debating with myself.

Before I give a tier (as said, debating with myself), I'll give my personal critique first.

First of all, the vocabulary seems very good, and it works well without feeling like you're showing off, which is a problem when people can't balance their use of words properly. You've probably seen a few examples of it yourself.

The story itself is well told. It's mundane as we asked for, and you do a pretty good job at setting the mood.

However (and this is why I'm debating so much), I also feel that you go too much into detail at times, which somehow seems to artificially make it longer. There's also a lot of info that I think the story could do without.

At the same time, it seems to me like the "narrator" tells the reader more than needed, instead of letting Willy's thoughts and actions speak more for themselves.

So really, this has me in a minor conflict with myself. You've shown a lot of skill, but there are some things that I feel can be improved, and might hamper you in some regards.

First of all, let me say thank you. It's not often that I get a decent bit of advice. Usually it's either useless or overly brutal. You caught my greatest flaw as a writer: I talk too much xD

I've been slowly improving in that respect for a while now... Slowly being the keyword. You should've seen my posts three months ago =P

Anyway, I apologize for trying to rush things. Take your time on making a decision.

No problem, mate. We're here to help after all, heh. And I can't really blame you for wanting to join the fun ASAP.

While I usually dislike boasting (unless it's about how I'm a monster (you might get that after a short while here, or if you just ask Zaf in the chatbox if you care)) I'll suggest that you try reading my own sample. In it I tried to give only the necessary info as a narrator, and letting mostly the characters words and thoughts set the stage for as much as possible, including setting the mood.

It might help you out a bit with the talking too much and maybe also give you an idea of how you could've set this up.

As for the Tier, as soon as any of the Staff members feel they have come to a conclusion, the sample will be graded, and given any explanation they believe is needed.

Okay, after carefully thinking this through quite a few times, I'll award you TIER 2, meaning any race and rank is accessable, with the exception of the Elder Ones (once they become available).

This is because I believe the skill and balance of vocabulary shows potential enough for this. However, I'll personally be keeping an extra eye out for how you roleplay, to ensure that you don't go overkill with the sheer number of words.

Of course, if any member of the Staff disagree with my decision, and have valid reasoning, they may change the decision.

On to character app now

Just wanted to also slap the

Tier 2

stamp on this one. Was going to write a post about it but Fuuga did it for me. So yeah just wanted to enforce his decision.