Tequila and Glitter

It was a normal day for the Captain of the Twelfth Division, walking around a deserted field area of the real world while trying to glue glitter to his face. According to his research, this practice could help draw out the kinds of men he was most interested in. "I hope this works. Spying out at the hot spring is getting a bit tiresome, I'd much prefer my...'Knight in Shining Armor' to come to me. At least, I think that's the right term. This research material seems a bit vague on exactly what I'm supposed to do until he arrives..." He spoke, taking a strange book out of his haori.

Upon closer inspection, one could see that the cover was dominated by a large, tanned, muscle-bound man. "I wouldn't mind if the man on the cover came waltzing in, that'd actually be quite enjoyable. Or at least somebody who can lead me to him..." The Captain spoke again, running his fingers lightly over the glistening muscles on the cover, stopping only once he reached the title, 'Lustful Cowboy of the Galaxy'.

"Oh, Levi Colton, I hope you come to me, I need you," Kurokotsu said as he applied more glitter to his face, replicating the steps taken in that novel. "Oh, I hear someone in the bushes! Is that my lovely knight!?" He said with a smile, flipping his hair as he looked toward where he heard the snapped branch.

Levi silently cursed to himself as he took his foot off of the stick, which he had foolishly stepped on while shifting his position. Oh God no, he heard me! Levi had been spending the last hour or so running away from his pursuer, trying desperately to get out of the harrowing danger that he now found himself in. Why won't he just leave me alone?!

Levi decided that he'd give the Captain one last chance to back away. Levi revealed himself from behind the bush, facing the shinigami directly and trying to move as little as possible. Luckily, Levi was wearing a jacket that covered his muscular upper body. "Captain Kurokotsu, please listen to me. For the last time, I am not your 'lovely knight,' and I just want some peace and quiet." Levi began walking backwards, one step at a time. "I'm sure there's someone else out there for you, but I'm not that person!" Levi waited for Kurokotsu's reply, hoping as hard as he could that the shinigami would for once listen to his plea. If not... then I'm going to have to fight the toughest battle in my life.

"Oh, there you are!" Kurokotsu said with a giggle, waving his empty arm at the human. "I've been looking all over for you. I knew I should've implanted that tracker chip, so I could always keep an eye on you," he spoke, that last half under his breath. "Oh well, no harm no foul. I'll just have to make sure you understand that there is no hiding from me, Levi Colton. Now, you sit tight, while I write all of this down..." With that, the Captain dug out a small, gold-plated notebook from the folds of his robes.

"So, Levi Colton, looking fine as always. Concealing his upper body for once, likely due to the cold. Yes, that simply must be it. If he's cold, I'll just have to help him warm up...Yes, that will work." Careful not to tear or bend the pages, Kurokotsu tucked the pad back into the dark security of his clothing.

"So, my darling knight, how shall we do this? Do you want to roleplay my raping you, or shall we just do the struggle and inevitable defeat?" As he spoke those words, Kurokotsu discretely unsheathed his Zanpakuto. He was ready to slice that offensive jacket to ribbons, likely within seconds.

Levi stared at the captain with his jaw hanging, an expression of mixed shock, horror, and slight nausea. A notebook? A tracker chip?! Levi realized now that he had gravely underestimated the extent to which Kuro was willing to go to 'attain' him. Levi gritted his teeth as he drummed his fingers on his revolvers' holsters.

"Dammit Kuro! Does the Sotaicho even know that you do this?!" Levi's thoughts were also dominated by the notebook that Kuro had now tucked away. What in the devil has he written in that?! Levi mentally shook his mind clear of that. I have enough to deal with without having to worry about that notebook's contents. Levi crouched into a defensive stance, his hands resting on his revolvers as he waited for the captain to make the first move. If I ever needed reinforcements, it would be now.

"Oh, I see you've finally realized just what I'll do. Too bad you seem to think that the Sotaicho would stop me from this. He's happy with anything that 'focuses my mind', to use his words. So," he explained with a flourish, pointing a finger discretely at the muscle-bound man, "he won't be coming to stop this. Hado number sixty-three, Raikoho, sugah."

As the burst of yellow energy shot out, Kurokotsu began twirling his Zanpakuto around. "Nakisakebu, Arashimaru!" The twists and turns became more elaborate, more pronounced as it lengthened, almost like a kite flying around in circles.

"So, do you still think you'll be able to stop me? No matter though, you'll see that it's better to just come with me soon." Enjoying the spectacle he was making, Kurokotsu twisted and twirled the whipchain, eventually manuevering the weighted end into his other hand.

Levi's reply to Kuro's demand to come with him was rather curt. "Hell. No." The captain extended his finger toward Levi, and Levi had enough experience to know what was coming next. Thus, when Kurokotsu finished talking and released the Hado spell, Levi was already dashing to the side to avoid it. The yellow flash of energy shot out and blasted a large crater in the spot where Levi had been seconds earlier.

So much for counting on the hierarchy of Soul Society. If I survive this, I'm going to give the Sotaicho an earful! Levi whipped out his revolvers in a blur and aimed right at Kuro, quickly unloading three rounds from each gun. Perhaps his gunshots would alert other superhumans in the area, but Levi doubted that they'd be able to help much. I won't be able to last too long without my abilities either. I need to do some damage before I resort to that.

"Aww, gunshots. Sadly, those aren't the guns I was hoping for. Let me demonstrate what I want to see. Arashimaru!" After a small bit of talking, Kurokotsu flung out the bladed end of his Zanpakuto, seeking to rip apart Levi's jacket. As he did so, a cold reiatsu began to seep through the air, chilling everything nearby. Birds flew south, squirrels began stockpiling for winter, and Kurokotsu hoped to make Levi's nipples do a special 'dance'.

Using that earlier strike to trick the man, Kurokotsu snapped his Zanpakuto like a whip and made it twist around. This time, he made it swirl around the cowboy like a lasso. "Bakudo number nine, Horin!" The Captain called out, twisting around the new energy whip with his other arm. "Oh Levi, maybe you should help me out. Give me that jacket, help me keep warm in this cold..."

"Sorry Kuro, these are the only guns you'll going to be shot with today!" Levi was able to dash backwards from the captain's zanpakuto, though it simply cut through the lower half of his jacket. The temperature began to drop considerably, causing alarm for Levi as it dropped low enough for goosebumps to form on the bare skin of his now-exposed midriff. It didn't help that Kuro's zanpakuto was now encircling Levi. This is not good. The longer I drag this out, the worse it gets for me.

"You're not going to get me so easily!" Levi quickly ducked and rolled under the lasso and aimed his revolvers at Kuro, this time infusing his bullets with his reiatsu, giving them more velocity as he shot three rounds from both guns at the captain. Levi felt the revolver in his left had buckle and crack as the force of the bullets took their toll. Dang, it looks like I may have to use my other abilities soon.

Not allowing himself any time to think, Kurokotsu abandoned his current assault on his prey, kicking off the ground with his left leg so he flipped to the other side. Although he'd dodged most of the bullets, a stray one clipped his shoulder. "Ooh, mister strongman, it seems you've hurt me. For that, I think you owe me something. An apology maybe? In flesh, of course." Slightly more determined now, the Captain snapped his Zanpakuto once again, this time aiming to cleave right through the superhuman.

Expecting a dodge, Kurokotsu continued his strike until the bladed end of his kusarigama came around to his waiting hand. Almost instantly, he let go of the dull, weighted end. It was obvious, at least to him, that he meant business now. Continuing that, he reached back behind him with that freshly-empty hand.

"I grasp the divine spear. As I release, let it split apart into one hundred sections, and run my enemy through. Bakudo number sixty-two, Hyapporankan!" As he called out that command, a bright purple staff materialized in his hand. Giving himself a bit of time to aim, he flung that rod straight at the pinnacle of manliness himself. As it flew, it split apart into a hundred slightly smaller rods, scattering a bit like a shotgun blast.

"I don't think I owe you anything. You're the one who attacked me!" Levi saw Kurokotsu swing his blade and was barely able to jump backwards to dodge the blow, as the tip of the blade cut across his torso, leaving a noticeable gash. Levi didn't expect was for the captain to instantly recover and quickly spin off a bakudo spell. Alright, I'll just shoot out a small number of 'em and jump through that gap. Levi raised his revolvers and pulled the triggers, but was surprised to hear his hammers strike empty chambers. He then realized that he had emptied all six chambers in both guns. Ah crap...

The majority of the rods struck the gunslinger's body, hurling him towards the ground and pinning him there. He gasped in pain as some of the rods struck bone and other tender areas. Why is it that I always seem to be pinned to something when I'm fighting this guy?! If I don't use my ability, being pinned down will be the least of my worries.

"Oh, dear. It seems you've...run out of ammunition, have you? That's all right, I'll help you." Self-assured, Kurokotsu skipped over to Levi, towering over the specimen of supreme manliness. "Oh, no, no, no. That jacket will simply HAVE to go." At those words, Kurokotsu slashed Arashimaru across Levi's upper body, careful not to even scratch the skin there.

Standing there for a bit longer, Kurokotsu knew the passive effect of his Zanpakuto would get to work soon, making things a bit...stiffer for Levi. "Oh, let me help you warm up, sugah." Without another word, Kurokotsu delicately lowered his body, aiming to sit down on the much larger male.

Noticing that Levi still had some clothes on, Kurokotsu traced a finger along the other male's clothed thigh, a devilish smirk on his face. "What do you think of some...other fun, my dear man. I could teach you plenty of things..."