I believe it is time to my leave official. I am sorry if this disappoints anyone, but I have been too busy with college and life in general. For the past two weeks I have had an overwhelming amount of college assignments that took a lot my time. Eventually, I had lost my interest in coming on this site entirely. However, I felt that it was necessary for me to come on one final time to make this goodbye post. I have never liked roleplaying, but regardless, I have enjoyed my time here. I am glad that I met so many different people who cared about me. To be honest, I have always believed that no one cared about me, due to my past experiences with friends. However, after some serious reevaluation of my past experiences on this site and Awakening and my time hanging out with Zaf at our highschool, I managed to break my selfish behavior and get that idea through my thick skull.
That said, I sincerely apologize to Kuro, Runic, Roga and everyone else for my immature behavior in the chatbox regarding my roleplay sample. It was very disrespectful and I now see that. I know this doesn't excuse my actions but I feel that it would be best if I explained why I acted the way I did. As some people know, I have had very little confidence in myself and wanted to get a Captain position, but after seeing Runic's critiquing skills, I made myself believe that I would live up to his standards. I know that there are other mods that could grade my work, but Runic seemed to me as the more strict mod and would persuade the other mods to give a person a score that he believes to be more accurate so I wanted to pass his standards more than anyone else's. However, with my low confidence, I believed that no matter how hard I tried, I would never fulfill my desire.
However, there was a part of me that believed that I would succeed, but from what Runic said, I had interpreted that he did not believe that I was Captain level which caused that little bit of hope to be crushed and I lost all confidence in myself. I felt like I was worthless and shouldn't even try to succeed at anything. So no matter what he or anyone said, I just ignored because I had fully wrapped my mind around that idea. I know that might seem hyperbolic, but it is actually very accurate. So I just left the site. However, after a few days of college and sulking, I calmed down and reevaluated what he and everyone else had told me. Then I realized that Runic was only giving me a fair critic. He wasn't euphemistically conveying that I had numerous issues with my sample. He just bluntly stated them and his reasons behind his decisions. Although I was too depressed to listen to his or anyone's reasons.
Part of this was because ever since I joined Awakening, I have not seen any improvement in my writing skills. If there was, I gave the credit to my college english class. So I saw no reason for me to continue with this site. To be honest, I still don't see any improvement in my writing skills, but it is possible that I may have improved and I know that improvement takes time, which I don't have much of these days.
Now that I have calmed down, I am seeing clearly once again. I wanted to come back and apologize to everyone, but college kept me from doing that. So, I am using this post as way to apologize to him and everyone else who was just trying to help me. Right now, I am still busy with college and do not have an interest in staying on this site. So this is my farewell to all of you. I am sorry for any trouble I may have caused anyone. I wish everyone and this site the best of luck. Goodbye and farewell my friends.
12/3/2013, 6:23 am by 
